chocolate judas on a stick!

Here you go. Questions and answers!! Last updated: 18Feb2006 @00:55

AaaRrrgggggghhhh… I’m royally pissed off because I couldn’t do the page on the sidebar. It won’t show. I will deal with it laters. This is fucked up stupid.

Anyways, the answers you’ve been wanting to know about naeboo and then some :D

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[[ winter ]] why are u so hawt??
I asked my ma the same question. She asked me another along the lines of, “You hot meh? Open fan or aircon larr!”

[[ Ah_Toh ]] “What is the ideal way out for you, from where you are now?”
If I gnaw on my left arm long enough, I would be out of this small dark room being fed daily with plain porridge and beansprouts by a small rabid monkey on a long chain, I think I should be out of here by 2014.

I taste like chicken.

“Name your greatest poison, & its antidote”
Poison: Henessy White with coke.
Antidote: Sex on the rocks.

“Do you have stairs in your house?” (a trick question)
I am actually a snail. I bring my house everywhere. And I don’t remember any renovations being done.

[[ opienne ]] WHEN WHEH WHEN are you coming back to Singapore!
When when when I urmmm… don’t know larh. I believe I’m already banned entry to Singapore. Heh.

[[ CoWg0eSm0o ]] how many 8″ can u gladly do in an hr… =)
I only have one pair of hands and I don’t think I make that many rulers outta bamboos in an hour.

Ask the pandas.

[[ visceral ]] “do you wake up in the morning and wonder who was making that noise at night?”
No. Either I don’t sleep or it was me who was making the ruckus.
If not, I would blame my inner child. It needs a blowjob now and then to keep quiet.

[[ no2slack ]] how much do you charge?
I believe that the best things in life are free.

Even so, anyone feeling generous can always send me some money. How do you set up a Paypal account again?

[[ visceral ]] “why are you wearing a tiara at home?”
Family jewels are meant to be worn at all times at all costs. :)

[[ modernburrow ]] “who’s your daddy and what does he do?”
My daddy is papa boo and he’s the guy who whooped yer ass and stole yer candy when you were five and still wearing Pampers ™. He shows no mercy. He is like Hulk Hogan. Only Chinese.

[[ no2slack ]] “How do i meet u for kopi ?”
This is a tough one coz I don’t exist at all. All this is juz a figment of your collective imaginations. Abracadabra lala sotong ball.

[[ Ah_Toh ]] “Describe how will you kill a person whom you hate A LOT”
As a matter of *ahem* principle, I really do think that the word “hate” is a bit much. Everyone should live in perfect harmony no matter the colour of skin, creed, status et-monkey ass-cetera.

So, saying all that would still make perfect bullshit coz there’s always *someone* you would hate quite a lot in your life and fantasizing about killing that person off is perfectly legal and exercises bad lazy brain cells. It lowers your chances of getting Parkinson’s disease and Alzheimer’s (fuck the spelling larh). Hence, it should be someone I absolutely ABHOR with all passion not just “hate”. Someone like, oh, I don’t know… ah well, this or J-Lo. Then, it is alright. Coz a lot of people hate them too.

The process of torture before sending him to hell should be long and treacherous. The more horrid and tedious, the better.

A pair of gorillas would kidnap him and then bound him up like Christmas ham and stick an apple into his mouth. A van would come by and they would all jump in. He, would, of coz, be forced into the van by the gungho gorillas. (Just for fun, my gorillas are going to be dressed in cute little karate outfits with a “HENTAI ICHIBAN DESU!” headband tied on their heads. They would be trained to say “arigato gozaimasu” “itadakimasu” “ohayo gazaimasu” “sumimasen” and most other polite greetings. Just because they are doing the devil’s biddings, does not mean they are allowed to be rude.)

At the back of the van, he then would feel the love of a few hundred gays volunteering for this event and booked weeks in advance.
Each time one gay finished, someone would be nearby to pour salt water on his ass before the next gay proceed to assrape last year’s thanksgiving dinner outta his ass. Of coz, the gays would be supplied with rubber protection. The special METAL-STUDDED ones rubbed with salt and the ones waiting will have theirs spit-shined by Caleb the person I detest while the others snickered and laughed and peed on him. And the gorillas would force him to smile when he’s facing the camera lens.

During the time the hundreds of gays take turns to humiliate the said person, the van would be on its way to a very very secret secluded place deep in the woods of Thailand.

Depending on his luck, recording would cease once batteries run out or the gays are tired. I forgot to mention that the buffet spread in the van would consist of vodka redbull shots and Viagra powder sandwiches. Once in a while, a water buffalo and a pink elephant would walk around to spray them with water to keep them hydrated.

When all the gays have exhausted themselves, the two gorillas, water buffalo and pink elephant would all take their turns. After they are done, each animal is allowed to walk on his back on specially-ordered stilettos and then take a piss.

Lastly, I would stick on Kennysia’s picture on him and then as a final insult, draw on fake boobs with a big black marker on his chest and get a pack of dobermans to piss on his limp body in the gravepit.

The grave would be shallow and filled with small dead animals like mosquitoes, donkeys and newts. Chop and throw pieces of body into pit, light the kerosene and take a piss over it again.

Yeah… that’s it, I suppose.

All I’m saying, it’s not good to hate yo. Spread the love. Peace! :D

[[ DrSinister ]] “Give a brief description what you will wear on a hot and sexy night out”
I won’t know for sure coz usually it would be so damn hot that the clothes would just become toast by itself and I would feel like a sandwich so I had to change into more decent wear to be able to set foot outside.

“Give a brief description what do you expect guys to wear on a hot and sexy night out”
Whatever he feels comfortable in to get his fine ass over to my place and easily taken off with one hand/teeth/ feet. I take “hot and sexy” to mean “be bound and/or blindfolded and make friends with my sheets” and “night out” to mean “creating new positions for Kamasutra”.

[[ visceral ]] “Describe what you are willing to do to win singapore idol”
I will call the police to arrest Steven Lim for public indecency and harassment. After he’s locked up (even if he’s not, just go and hound his ass 24/7 and send Ninja Turtles after him or something..), I’d automatically win coz there would be an extra special extra spicy award created in honour of the public service I have done for Singapore because of this. The day he was sent to jail to be assraped by gaylords would be the day it is declared a public holiday where every person in Singapore would rejoice and have a street parade to the proportions of Mardi Gras on Orchard Road.

Viagra powder sandwiches would be served as well.

||Shoppin’ at the mall lookin’ for some gear to buy
||I saw this girl she’s cool, rocked my world and I had to adjust my fly
||She looked at me and smiled and said,”You have plans for the night?”
||I said,”Hopefully, if things go well, I’ll be with you tonight”
||So we journeyed to her house one thing led to another
||I keyed the door we cold hit the floor, looked up and it was her mother
||I didn’t know what to say, I was hanging by a string
||She said,”Hey you two, I was once like you and I liked to do the wild thing”

||Wild thing
||She loved to do the wild thing
||Wild thing
||Please, baby baby, please

||Posse in effect, hangin’ out is always hype
||And when me and the crew leave the shindig, I want a girl who’s just my type
||Saw this luscious little frame I ain’t lyin’ fellas, she was fine
||The sweet young miss go gave me a kiss and I knew that she was mine
||Took her to the limousine still parked outside
||I tipped the chauffeur when it was over and I gave her my own ride
||Couldn’t get her off my jack, she was like static cling
||But that’s what happens when body start slappin’ from doin’ the wild thing

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Tone Loc– Wild Thing