I can’t sleep.

Hours ago I was distressed about not feeling stressed. And now..

I’m feeling it again. The all too familiar cringe seeping through the broken veins I’d love to seal up with more nicotine. Last stick was exactly, 2hrs 36mins ago.

When the quiet of the early day translates to a noisy mind of its own, I’ve already determined the fate of the last train of thoughts before it reached the platform. It’s a playground for fools.

Am I the fool? For premeditating the destination, an end to the future before I even looked at the itinerary? How did I get onboard in the first place? Ah, yes. That sweet wonderful smile.

I remind myself that every time. When I got angry. When I got mad. When I got crazy.

My life hasn’t been a bed of roses. Never.

I made the bed, I lie in it. (And why ppl always expects, demands honesty and wants to be lied to? Some things I *do* not want to hear about.)

Somehow, it’s a comforting choice than not to being able to sleep at all. When ghosts of the Christmases past come to reclaim your dreams. And your soul. Coz you can’t scream in your sleep. In sleep, everyone is human.

But I need sleep now. Even if it’s on thorns. :/

An aching back finds no comfort on rocky heels.