Thursday, May 26, 2005

Somehow, the smell of a certain antiseptic reminds me of home. Somewhat a calming yet disturbingly nostalgic eminence about it.

Images of the ancient kitchen being washed for New Year’s, grime and all, suds and walls, cleansed for a while… long enough a while to disperse a new batch of grime, sweat, collective cells that used to bind us together as a family and then sucked us into our downfalls. It was because we were a family that things were beginning to be fall apart and disintegrate like the meander-y cobwebs that caused a little more nuisance than it is decorative in silent darkened nooks.

We grew up in that ancient kitchen, playing hide and seek, hopscotch and marbles and whatever we could think of in our tiny infinite imaginations. There always be someone or something hiding behind, between and on top of the stacks of boxes of Guinness, condensed milk and whathaveyous. Sometimes, we toyed with the likelihood of slow poisoned deaths as we weaved ourselves into the maze of watery weed killer fortresses.

It brings me an uneased comfort when I think of that kitchen. So many little animals died there and gladly feasted on over so many generations and so many memories of blood, tears and sweat was poured over the floors, washed and unwashed over the years. Yet, it was somewhere I looked forward to going every New Year’s for the month-long vacation away from day-long classes and foot-long bullies. Yet, it was my little paradise. Yet, it was home.

It is now just a place for offerings when we meet annually for prayers to the ancestors on Qing-min and so on. Ah, people walking around with fake smiles and faker salutations… It is so fake that Michael Jackson’s nose can claim originality from the patent office. Heh… don’t say that I have not warned you all. :P

I actually miss my great-great-grandmama and her love for Coca Cola. :*) She’s a real cutie… New Years were never complete without her gambling antics since: piling coins on top of her “sure-win” cards and sneakingly storing them silvers away when no one was looking (or rather, pretending not to look). At the age of about 3-4, I was already laughing at her, not understanding her actions whilst I ply my ringgit notes unto my own cards. She looked so fragile and yet she must have been one of the most resilient ppl I knew then. At least, I know she loved me. If sharing the same interest in hard rock candies was not enough a case for bonding, maybe we could have looked into playing more Blackjack together. Damn hardcore gamblers!! Haha…

My cousin is to marry in June. And he would be a very happy man for he is to marry the girl he loves. I want to see my little nephew (or a niece…Heaven forbid! My grandma would have a fit!! hahahahaa) soon after it is born. I wonder if he would grow into that particular smell of the ancient kitchen or to wander the streets somewhere else, finding his own set of nostalgic smells.

Maybe it won’t be a good idea to induce my nephew into sniffing pine-fragranced antiseptic… Hmm…

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